


Far Too Gone

by DongTien



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, also really sterotypical use of some tropes but i tried to make it unique, drug usage, it's more dub-con than non-con, mafia, my first story so the writing is trash ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 08:22:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11009616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DongTien/pseuds/DongTien
Summary: A fragile balance existed between Jongin and Kyungsoo, one that jongin snapped and now must fix. Only, Kyungsoo wants nothing to do with him anymore. And while history has proven that being together brings out the worst in the two, this time spent apart is killing them both.





	1. Chapter 1

Kyungsoo wants nothing more to do with his Ex boyfriend, Jongin. After months of being treated like dirt he wanted out, and he got it. But the year of dating that came before never left his mind, and eventually even the months filled with pain became desirable to his now grey life. He doesn't want to chose between love and pain verses loneliness and safety. But he has no choice other than to make a decision. Only, it's far too late for any of that now.   
Jongin, only known as KAI on the streets, knows what he did wrong, but he couldn't help it. He needed other sto see that loving Kyungsoo didn't make him weak. And so he hurt Kyungsoo to make the world see that this boy  wasn't his weakness, that this man didn't make his cheeks redden or his heart race. Needed the world to see that kyungsoo wasn't the love of his life. But he was. He is. Jongin needs to fix himself because Kyungsoo still is and always will be.  Only now, it's too late for any of that.   
   
Jongin is the co-leader of a widely feared gang. Respect and fear are all the same to him, and along with the riches that come in it's all he needs in life. All he needs until a small and handsome man he met changed his entire outlook. Scared that being in love and gay will make him seem weak, he purposefully abused Kyungsoo until his lover snapped and left. Now Kyungsoo is trying to convince himself that  he doesn't need jongin, that the pain wasn't worth it and all he needs is himself. Meanwhile Jongin attempts to bring things back to how they used to be, to bring back the best person that ever entered his life.  
   
   
Hey guys, just so you know this fic isn't a typical GangAU where the innocent little one thinks that the gangster boyfriend did something bad but it was all a misunderstanding and nothing was ever wrong in the first place and then there is a sweet happily ever-after. Or where, you know, no one ever eventually brings up how weird it is that this supposed 'perfect boyfriend' is actually a murderer and criminal and maybe that makes him a bad person by nature? Just so you understand this, this fic is based around an abusive relationship, and i did my absolute best to give that concept the justice it derserves. This means that the characters and plot do get really dark at certain points. There will be explicit smut, violence, and unheathly relationships and thought patterns.  
This story was inspired by this vine:   http://vine.co/v/iBHuI7bjx6ASo if you want I suggest you watch it to get a idea about what this fic will be like, though of course i took that initial idea and ran with it.  I update once a week on saturdays, so yell at me in the comments if i don't. Also, comments are the only way i can tell if you're enjoying what i'm writing, so try to leave a couple here and there. They really make me happy and motivate me to set time aside so that i can get the chapters done faster and hopefully longer and better. 

This story like all my stories is cross posted on AFF as well.  
Anyway, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy Far Too Gone!


	2. I am Too Far Gone

All is quiet in the apartment high rise as the petite man looks out the window at the night skyline. Sleek furniture, gleaming counters and fixtures; none of it is his. But when the idea had entered his mind to escape from where he had been previously, they keys were exactly where his lover had last shown him.    
   
"Kyungsoo," His lover looked at him with serious eyes, "If anything happens and you need to get away, take one of these keys and head to the address written on the tag."    
   
The man pushes his dark hair back with a bitter sigh and steps back from the window. While they had both been certain that Kyungsoo would've had to use a safehouse eventually, neither would've guess that it would be his dark-eyed lover he was running from. Dark-eyed EX-lover, he reminds himself.    
   
For most people a series of safehouses hidden throughout South Korea and neighboring countries would have been a spectacular display of wealth and paranoia. But his lover was not an average person, and those safe houses that ranged from luxurious to plain had provided shelter and planning time for him during many periods of threat.     
   
No, nothing in the room belonged to Kyungsoo. All of it belonged to his ex-lover whose name was as well known in the underground as the brand of his luxury cars was among the elite.    
   
Kai, Kyungsoo thinks the name as he walks towards to the kitchen. It's been a month since he arrived at this safehouse, but the name still rises to his mind just as easily and unbidden as it did the day he left. Kyungsoo slouches against the marble counter, holding his weight up with his forearms.    
   
Many associate the name Kai with his infamous gang that rules drug passage around and throughout South Korea. Fewer associate it with the intense-eyed man who they have been privileged enough to see. Whether visited in corporations he had corrupted, the dealers he owned, the police he bought, or the leagues of gang members he controlled; all knew him to be a dangerous and ruthless man.    
Why didn't I let myself see that side? Repeating the same message in his mind for days, but it still isn't enough. He showed it to me, I saw it first hand.   
Idoit   
They said he was loveless, they said he was cruel, why didn't you let yourself see it too?   
Kyungsoo has seen that side of Kai, but he was unlike so many others. Instead of linking the name Kai to wealth and crime, he linked it to a far more kind label. Jongin. Kai's true name. Kai was a street name invented to fool himself into believing that he could remake himself into whatever he wanted, and it worked. He molded himself to be feared and powerful. It worked breathtakingly well, too well.    
   
The man never cared for anyone, I was a fool to think I was special. The thought is just as bitter as all his others. But he can't help it, the months and months he spent getting hurt by that man for the name of a love he has come to realize was one-sided weren't enough to keep him away. They weren't enough to drown the devotion that made Jongin rise up like an angel hidden beneath Kai. Hidden from everyone but him. So instead he aims harsh words at himself hoping the sting will now do the job the memories couldn't then.   
   
It wasn't as though he made everything up, Jongin assisted his delusion, played him for the sheer fun of watching a college boy fall for the gang leader and give his life to Jongin like a blushing lover's gift. After all, that is exactly what it was. Jongin had enough money to buy off all kyungsoo's tuition for college and give kyungsoo anything the smaller man expressed the slightest interest in, and Jongin did. Kyungsoo had thought it only fair that he give the bronze-skinned man the only thing he had owned uniquely: his heart.    
   
His reflection shines back at him from the floor to ceiling windows, so he gets up and pulls across the heavy curtains to hide himself. He looks horrible, he knows it but doesn't want the reminder.   
   
Everyday his second thought upon waking is how horrible Jongin was to him, how glad he is that he valued himself enough to leave. It is unchanging, he knows that leaving Jongin was the best thing he ever did for himself, it restores bit-by-bit the self respect he lost during his relationship. The respect that had faded in the presence of the gleaming Jongin.    
   
But his first thought is just as unvaried:    
   
"Where's jongin? Where did he go?" It's pathetic, he thinks, that every morning his mind still reaches out for the body heat the used to surround him nightly.    
See, he has to think of the negative things, has to force himself to see how horrible Kai was to him. Because his mind has trained itself to remember the goodness of Jongin. The whispered words softer than the bed sheets they lay under, pointless and childish games of hide and seek always ending with kyungsoo finding Jongin trying to hide in a space far too small for his lanky frame. Images of Jongin falling to the floor giggling at his own humor or actions, or even better, at Kyungsoo's. The all to common scene where jongin would enter through the door, and the stress of the day would disappear the moment he saw Kyungsoo.    
   
IT was a lie. Shaking his head to dispel the pleasant memories, clenching his fist to making his nails bit into his skin to chase away the warmth in his stomach. It was all a trick to trap you there. It had to be. Really.    
   
The voice in his head is pathetic sounding. But it is sufficient to bring the anger that has kept him moving, kept him from going back to Jongin. Pleasant memories are replaced by the whirlwind of pain and confusion that Jongin caused. Kai caused. They're not two separate sides of the same person, the only thing that made me more special than others was because I actually thought he could be different for me. Idoit.    
   
He hates looking at himself now, he looks like a shadow. He doesn't mind leaving, he's glad he did.   
   
But it still hurts.    
   
Everyday away from his ex-lover, ex-boyfriend, still hurts. Some days all he had the energy to do was cry and scream into pillow at the unfairness. How unfair it was that Kai could pretend to be Jongin, that he could pretend to be in love, that he could make Kyungsoo fall in love with him just so that he could hurt Kyungsoo for fun. How unfair it was that Jongin probably didn't think of him twice after he left, but he has to wake up every morning searching for Jonging's warmth.   
   
The first week after he left Jongin he would forget to eat until late at night, only to make a large plate of food that he found himself unable to eat. Showers would take to much energy, and bathtubs brought back memories that made him angered and sick. He would accomplish nothing during the day, too tired to go out, only to find himself too exhausted to sleep at night. Eventually sleep would take him. It would mock him with dreams of the dream relationship he and Jongin once had.   
   
It really was unfair.   
   
But I've gotten better. He looks at the wrists no longer as pale or discolored as they were before. Slowly, piece by piece Kyungsoo has gained energy to focus on things other than what he lost when he left Jongin. Slowly, he was moving along. But slow is ok, I don't need him. I don't. I...don't. His appearance may have gained strength, but the words still lack conviction. Retreating to the bedroom he repeats the thought like a mantra anyway, as if can warm him the way another body used to as he nests inside the expense sheets and blankets bought to comfort two bodies. Kyungsoo knows it will be a long night. But then, all nights have been long since he left jongin.   
   
   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for reading the first chapter of my first fanfic! Please give me feedback so that i can make improve things. Just to mention it again, this story was inspired by this vine: https://vine.co/v/iBHuI7bjx6A . So you can check it out to get a better idea of the feel of this story.  
> The first chater was pretty short, i'm going to try to make the other chapters longer, but then this chapter also just served as an intro to the story. So actual action will happen in the other chapters, making them longer and more interesting.  
> And just to give you more information about how this fic with be structured, the POV will switch between Kyungsoo and Jongin, sometimes in a chapter but mostly between chapters. Also, right now i'm being rather vauge about what happened to make them break up, and that's on purpose. This chapter serves as a sort of mark of the present. Every other chapter will progress from this point on, but the other every-other chapter will be a flash back to show you what was happening in their relationship before the break-up. So next chapter will be a flash back.  
> ANyway, thank you for reading and have a good day.


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